Yummy

Pre-Pregnancy - not a fan at all, actually stated "I hate McDonalds".

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During-Pregnancy - started to "crave" cheeseburgers, chicken mcnuggets, vanilla cones, and oh, those fries . . .

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Post-Pregnancy - I wish I could eat at McDonalds everyday!

Truly, Madly, Deeply In L.O.V.E

Since having Chester my life has changed, for the better of course!  I now finally realize just how much my parents love me . . . I always knew I was loved more than anything, but never knew how intense that love is.  It took having my own child to know that kind of love.  And it's such an amazing feeling.  I am so totally in love with Chester, nothing compares, not even the over-the-moon love I have for my husband ~ they are greatly different.  Which got me thinking about a few things . . . everyone (if they want to) can fall in love and experience the great love of a soulmate; but unfortunately, as much as some people desire and yearn for a baby of their own, it is not always possible and thus don't get to experience that kind of love, the love for a child. 

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Understanding that, that breaks my heart. 

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For all the men and women in the world, for whatever the reason may be, that cannot, or have not been able to have a child, and know in their hearts they want to be a parent, I ache for you.  I say a prayer for you daily that God will intervene and answer your hearts desire.

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Loving a child, and having their love in return (yes, I believe Chester loves me already), is such a blessing; all should be so blessed in their lifetime to experience this love.   Perhaps that love can be accomplished by adoption, which can be such a beautiful bond between parent and child.  Or maybe the family can be created via surogacy, how special would that be to help another couple realize their dream of becoming a parent?  Awesome!  I think I could do that for someone, if the situation were right.  Anyway . . . I guess I'm just feeling "high on love" lately; every single time I interact with my baby (almost 24/7, save for a few hours of sleep here and there) I fall in love deeper and deeper with him, and I love him so much already, the love is just seeping from my pores :)  Chester is 4 months and 1 week old, and these have been the best 4 months and 1 week of my (our, Husband agrees) life.  Thank you God for your blessings . . . life is good.

The Mom Cut

I'm about a week late with Chester's 4 month update . . . wow 4 months already!  Things are going pretty smoothly around here: ~

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Since reading Babywise and implemting a routine/schedule (3 weeks ago) both Chester and I are much happier, he sleeps better, as do I, and it's so nice to know "what's next" during our day and not just be willy nilly.  I have changed a few things and am not following the "rules" of Babywise 100%, I had to do what was best for my son and mold the routine to him.  All in all, I am a believer of Babywise, if nothing else to get a routine down and good sleep habits.

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Thankfully he goes down so easy for naps and night time sleep, he might cry, more like a whimper, for a few minutes, but he rarely screams or makes a big fuss.  One of two things happen when I put him down: 1) he's out the second his body rests on the mattress, or 2) he'll just chatter and talk to himself for a few minutes until he falls asleep.  (as I type this he is doing just that . . . ).  And of course not all days are so easy, he does have his meltdowns and will get overly tired really fast (before the next nap time) and cry his little heart out.

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Chester is a cat-napper.  I asked his doctor about this and s/he (we have two peds that we LOVE at the office so see whomever is available when we need to come in.  All patient files are "online" and they take their laptops from room too room, so they have the history of Chester right there) . . . anyway, his doctor said that some babies just require numerous catnaps during the day to feel refreshed, not all take 1 hour + naps.  Sometimes I wish Chester would take a long nap, just so I could start a project (dishes, laundry, dusting, mopping, cleaning, etc) and actually finish, but catnaps it is. 

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Except yesterday, he gave me a 90 minute nap!  I kept waiting for him to wake up, and of course, was hesitant to start any of the bigger cleaning projects around the house.  But today we're back to 30 minutes . . .

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Chester is now sleeping almost through the night, just one wake up call at midnight/1 a.m.  This I can handle easy peasy.  He goes to bed 6:30/7:00 p.m., wakes at midnight/1 a.m and I nurse him, then up between 6 a.m/7 a.m. 

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Rice cereal is now on the menu.  He is still a breastfed baby, as I plan to nurse him until 1 year at a minimum.  But in the evenings he is enjoying some delicious rice cereal mixed with (pumped) breast milk.  He had been increasingly curious when I was eating and watching food go into my mouth, especially interested when it was loud and crunchy.  He took to the spoon like a duck to water, I'd say about 80% of the cereal ends up in his little tummy, the other 20% on him, me, daddy, his high chair.  It's adorable!!  (I am still nursing during the cereal time slot, in other words, I have not dropped a nursing session).

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Chester is a roller!  Two weeks ago he performed his first roll over from tummy to back (during tummy time play), since then he's been rolling tummy to back every day.  And he's not picky about going left or right, he'll roll any which way.  Going from back to tummy is going to happen any day now!
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He is my little chatter-bug.  He "talks" non stop and will have conversations with me, I love it!  He also giggles out loud, which is just the cutest.
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And lastly, about me, I'm taking a little "me" time this Saturday.  I've scheduled a hair cut appointment and Chester will have some wonderful Daddy time.  Hopefully all will go according to my plan, I've scheduled between nursing times, but I know it won't be the end of the world if he has a the bottle of emergency milk in the freezer.  I'm thinking of getting The Mom Cut, and losing about 4-5 inches . . . I like this style and length a lotta lotta:

Veggie Delight!

My husband has been working hard in the yard the past few weekends, and he has just finished planting fruits and vegetables in our new garden.

We now have trees a plenty ~ an apple, peach and lemon were planted, they join the avocado, grapefuit and orange trees.  (we got rid of the fig tree).

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And in our garden we have ~ artichokes, garlic, onion, red and yellow bell pepper, jalapeno's, sage, basil, pumpkins, cauliflower, broccoli, carrots, cucumbers, squash, grapes, asparagus . . . I think that's everything.  The asparagus, cauliflower, broccoli and lemon tree are already flowering and showing new buds!

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I am so excited to enjoy our own veggies!

Family Rocks

I just found out my Dad reads my blog, soooooooooo awesome!  So here's a Friday shout-out to my Dad, # 1 Dad in the whole wide world, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

Mommyhood 101

I am so blessed to be a stay at home mommy, I love every single minute of every day with my little guy.  However, my days are now drastically different from when I was "living" in the corporate world . . .
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~ I am lucky to have my shower before Husband gets home from work.
~ My new hairstyle is wet from the shower hair pulled back into a ponytail.
~ Make up?  I wish!  I do, however, put on my daily moisturizer (with SPF) since I take Chester for a walk everyday.
~ My daily wardrobe is wearing one of my 3 fave nursing tops, they are always in rotation, and a pair of sweatpants / yoga pants.
~ My # 1 fave nursing top always gets a nightly inspection: Is there really too much dried spit up and drool that it can't make it another day, or is it time for the laundry?
~ I do a load of laundry at least every other day, sometimes everyday.
~ Sitting at the park a couple blocks from home, it is refreshing to see other moms with their ponytails and sweat pants, and to have a brief adult conversation with them.
~ Speaking in baby talk is an all day thing . . . I'm no longer embarassed when I answer the phone in baby voice.
~ Breakfast is me standing in the kitchen eating cereal, toast, fruit, decaf, as quick as I can.
~ Lunch, about the same as breakfast, always nutritious, but always standing and shoveling it in.
~ Dinner, somehow I manage to get a half decent meal put together for the Hubs and I, although he usually has to do the finally touches of taking it out of the oven and dishing it up for us, etc.
~ TV?  I haven't turned on the TV for my viewing pleasure (during the day) in weeks.  I do however enjoy the Baby Einstein dics we have for Chester, he seems to like the infant age ones too.
~ I miss the Ellen show.
~ I never knew I could survive and function on so little sleep.  (Quantity is getting better).
~ Making up songs and singing about poopy diapers is changing table entertainment for both Chester and I.
~ A crying baby used to annoy me, now there is a part of my heart that embraces the sound, be it my own baby or a baby in public.
~ Sometimes when Chester cries, I tear up with him, poor guy works so hard to get those screams out.
~ When it's been a tough day and I'm looking forward to the evening when he'll be down for bed and I can get an hour or two to relax, catch up with Husband, unwind before I go to bed . . . not 10 minutes after he's settled and asleep in bed, I miss him.
~ Trusting the baby monitor took me about a week.
~ The first night he slept more than 3 hours (6.5 hours, whoo hoo!) I was a nervous wreck, up and checking on him every hour, wondering why he wasn't waking me up. 
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. . . but I wouldn't change any of this for the entire world.  Life is good!

Do you still write thank you notes?

A family member (on Husband's side) got married a couple months ago.  We received the announcement in the mail, they had a private affair with just their parents, we were, and are, thrilled for them.  They attended our wedding a couple years ago, and I looked back at our gift list (yes, I kept a list of all gifts received and by whom and when my thank you note was sent) . . . anyway, they gave us a really nice gift off our registry, so I sent them a check for $100.  About a week later, when I assume they recieved the wedding card and check, my husband got a text message thank you.  Text Message.  I bring this up now, a couple months after the fact, because I have been waiting for a thank you card to come in the mail.  No card.  Just the text message.  Text Message.  Really?

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I write thank you notes for everything, seriously, like everything.  I love the personal touch of a hand written thank you card arriving via snail mail.  Do you write thank you notes, or send a thank you by email or call?  What's the trend these days?  I'm not changing my ways, I'll always write the old fashioned thank you card, but curious if I'm a little crazy to be a teeny bit irked that thank you's are now sent via text . . .

Making Progress . . .

Yesterday, not such a great day in our birdhouse for little Chester.  Naps were short, if at all, and he had a meltdown at one point . . . but last night was a totally different story:
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6:00 p.m. bath and baby massage (every night), and normally a book too, but . . .
6:30 p.m. fast asleep, no time for a story
1:00 a.m. first wake up for eats, no crying, just gentle cooing beckoning me to him
1:30 a.m. fast asleep, no tears!
4:00 a.m. second wake up call for eats, no crying, and this time he only nursed from one side
4:15 a.m. fast asleep (perhaps in the near future we can drop the second feeding)
7:00 a.m. My wiggle-bug is awake, cooing, and happy.  Mommy = feeling more rested than I have in 4 months!
9:00 a.m. taking his first nap of the day . . .
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One word: Babywise!  We've been implemting a schedule and routine for 10 days now, and sometimes we fall off the wagon and I make mistakes, and somedays it just doesn't click for us, but I am seeing positive results.  I am encouraged to continue.  Since I did start him late, and not from birth, I read that it will take a good 8 weeks for it to become second nature for him.  In the grand scheme of things, what is 8 weeks for instilling in my baby "the gift of sleep"?  So worth it!

Just Finished

You all know how I love owls, right? . . . well I happened upon this fabulous true story about Wesley the Owl.  Such a tender love story about Wesley, a baby owl who is raised by his Mommy, Stacey O'Brien.  He cannot be released into the wild, ever, and lives a remarkable 19 years with Stacey.  I enjoyed learning interesting facts about owls and a few other birds, I laughed out loud at Wesley's crazy antics, I smiled at his sweet tender way with Stacey, and I cried at the end when Wesley went to be with God.  If you love a sweet animal story, you'll love reading about Wesley . . . he is beautiful, funny, intelligent, a tender soul. 

Currently at The Birdhouse

It's been difficult, to say the least, here at The Birdhouse.  Chester is now 3.75 months old, he is a poor napper and he doesn't sleep well at night.  The only magic time of good sleep for him is 7 p.m. (bedtime) - 10:30 p.m.  He is such an easy baby to put down for bed, he drifts right off to sleep, and those 3 1/2 hours are the only guaranteed sleep I will get too, if I go to bed at 7 p.m.  After that, the night is willy nilly when he'll wake, fuss, cry, scream, need to eat, etc.  But, I have just, JUST, found out about Babywise.  I've read the book and it makes sense to me . . . have a schedule, day and night.  DUH!  Why didn't I know this or do this before?  So now, we have a schedule, it's the same 3 hour schedule of wake & eat, play, nap, wake & eat, play, nap, every 3 hours and in that order (it will change to 4 hours as he gets older, etc) . . . the play changes with different toys, but the time of wake up (is supposed to be) a constant and the way to soothe to sleep is a constant for nap and night time.  I have been "scheduled" for one week now.  It's definitely not easy, but it is getting easier.  I notice 2 things that have given me encouragement to continue:

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   I am happier with a daily schedule, I know what comes next and when to expect a little down time.
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   Chester is happier with a routine, he is starting to know the order of the day and he doesn't fight naps so much.

While it is still very difficult at this stage, there is a lot of crying from both he and I, it is getting better.  Moving him to his room has helped, thankfully he loves his crib and is fine sleeper there, when he sleeps.  I am a first time mommy, and it's a learning process for both he and I, but I already know now what I would do different next time around.  Anyway, that's what's going on over here, and I'll probably be MIA a bit because I'm just exhausted and when I do have a few moments of "me time" I usually lay on the bed and close my eyes too. 

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I wish I started Babywise from the beginning, but really hate to "woulda shoulda coulda" . . . so I focus on the now and take it one day at a time.  If you think about it and are so inclined, a little prayer for "the gift of sleep" for Chester would be much appreciated.  xoxo.

Easter Egg SWAP

I'm excited to be hosting my first blog swap . . . An Easter Egg Exchange!

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I hope you'll sign up and join in what I think will be a whole lotta fun!  You don't have to have a blog to join, although if you do your swap buddy will be able to get to know more about you and get an egg "eggspecially" for you :)  Here's the details:

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  To sign up leave a comment on this post with your blog address and your email address; and I will email you soon to get your home address for your swap buddy.
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  Sign up by March 5th; I'll send the blog swap buddy emails out the weekend of March 6th & 7th.  That will give you a couple weeks to get to know you swap buddy (if they have a blog) so you can get, or make, an egg just for them.

Regarding the Eggs . . .

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  You can be crafty and DIY an egg (i.e. ceramic, styrofoam, etc., use glitter, ribbon, paints, stickers, etc) or
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  You can purchase a beautiful decorated egg, as there are so many out now since the Easter decorations are popping up everywhere.

I think that's it, but since this is my first swap, let me know if I've forgotten anything you need to, and want to know.  Sign up for the swap, meet someone new, and get a beautiful Easter Egg just for you!

One Year Ago Today . . .

Yep, you're looking at the stick I peed on . . . one year ago today.  Husband and I were headed out to a Valentine's Eve Dinner with another couple, Charlie and Devony.  Charlie is a wine enthusiast and always knows which delicious wine to have with our meals, so, on the off chance that I was pregnant (because I had been abstaining from alcohol) I thought I should know since I really wanted to have whatever wine Charlie had picked out.  And, to our total shock and surprise, the stick read positive!!  I was sure it was a mistake because we had only been "trying" since New Year's Eve, which means we got pregnant our very first month out of the gate.  I took a couple more tests and all were positive (obviously no wine for me that night, and for a long time after, um, actually still wihtout) . . . but that is such a small sacrifice to make for the most wonderful Valentine's gift ever.

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I've been a Mommy for a year today, I became a Mommy when I found out our Kermie was growing.  My life has changed drastically, but all for the better.  I am so blessed to have two true loves to celebrate this Love Holiday with, Husband and our baby.  Life is good.

Magic Powers? Yes, I think so.

My BFF gave me this lotion potion when I was pregnant; I rubbed it on my belly every night in hopes of not getting stretch marks.  It is very emolient, and a little goes a long way.  End result, I don't have any stretch marks, and I do credit it all to the magic powers of this lotion!  Why?  Here's my follow up proof:

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  Shortly after Chester was born he got the dreaded Cradle Cap.  His poor head was cracked and flaky, imflamed and looked like shedding lizzard skin.  I gently massaged this lotion all over his head, and then wiped the excess oils off with a damp washcloth, and within a couple days, his extremly flaky scalp was smooth "as a baby's butt".  (Okay, couldn't resist that line!) And now 3 months later, the cradle cap has never returned.
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  My Dad had a total knee replacement surgery in November.  Shortly after, around Christmas time, he was visiting and itching his massive 8 inch scar.  It was all dry, cracked and looked so painful.  I gave him the lotion and within a few days, he had smooth and soft skin again.  He went to his doctor for a follow up check and the doctor was shocked at how "beautiful" his scar was.  My Dad told him what he was using and now the doctor is recommending it to all his surgery patients to help heal the skin.
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  Yesterday my little guy scratched his beautiful cheek with one of his razer sharp little fingernails (sheesh, I trim those little nails what seems like everyday!).  It wasn't a bad scatch, but looked like it would stick around a few days.  Before bed what did I do . . . I dabbed a thin layer of the lotion on his scratch.  This morning, my beautiful baby has his beautiful cheek back, blemish free. :)

So there is my proof that this lotion potion, Carol's Daughter, has magic powers.  The jar goes a long long way, I've had it nearly a year now, split it in half with my Dad so he could take some home for his knee scar, and I still have nearly half the full jar left.  You can find this lotion at Sephora, and I believe I've seen it on either QVC or HSN.  If you use it and have some great "healing" stories, let me know!  Or if you buy it, I'd love to know what you think.

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I have never been contacted by Carol's Daughter to express my views of their product. I have not been compensated by Carol's Daughter for this review.  These are my own views and opinions.

Simple Beauties

This weekend I decided to finally do two things that I have always wanted to do, but never have . . . Saturday, I made a pie from scratch!  And I am quite proud of how my pie turned out.  Making the crust was the hardest part, but the end result looks good.  And with a few more tries I think I will master it; the "project" was fun and I'm looking forward to making another pie soon.  This one was a Harvest Moon Apple Pie ~ delicious!

Second project, I gardened!  I have gardened before, just not in our new house.  It was fun, and relaxing, to plant some beautiful flowers in the yard, and now when I look out the kitchen window I can see these beautiful of purple, yellow, pink and white. 

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There is beauty all around us everyday, just have to stop and smell the flowers :)

My weekend project . . .

. . . To look for the beautiful in everything, and to document it.  I'll be back on Monday with some pictgures of my own personal spaces that I find beautiful, everyday.  Happy weekend to you all xo.

beautiful images: Southern Living

Let's get crafting!

February is National Embroidery Month, which just reminds me that I want to get crafting soon.  Isn't is great that there is a month devoted to this beautiful art?  I used to Cross Stitch quite a bit, but haven't picked that up in many years.  And I haven't found a sewing machine (that I want) just yet, so that is on hold . . . but these beautiful images above inspire me to get busy and get crafting!  I bought some beautiful yarn this weekend, perhaps a bit impulsive, yes, since I don't yet have a "crafting plan", but knitting is at the top of my list.  Maybe I just need to dive in and try my hand at both sewing and knitting . . . "how to" books, here I come! :)

image credits: google, here, and here via flickr

Just Finished

I just finished this amazing, wonderful book: "Unbuttoned, Women Open Up About the Pleasures, Pains and Politics of Breastfeeding".  A collection of essays by women who did, and did not, breastfeed their children.  These stories are intensely personal, beautifully written vignets allowing strangers to peek into the windows of their lives.  I laughed out loud at some stories, and I wept at a few.  I recognized myself in one story and had to reread it, it was that powerful.  For any woman who has breastfed, or chosen not to breastfeed, this book is a must read.  I know when it is time to wean Chester from nursing, I will be reading the book again to help me through the separation.

"and this is how we mend the clothes, mend the clothes, mend the clothes, every Wednesday morning . . ."

I'm all over Craigslist lately hoping to find a nice second hand sewing machine.  I really want to get busy crafting!  We have a corner of our living room that is unused, and sort of out of the way, which would be perfect for as a little craft corner for me.  I already have an awesome rustic wood table to set there, need to find the perfect rustic chair, a sewing machine . . . and then perhaps take some classes at Adult Ed.  I have no idea how to sew, but I really want to learn!

image credit: cathy of california

Hold my hand . . .

We are getting ready to transition Chester out of his small crib (side sleeper in our room, on my side of the bed) and into his big crib . . . in his nursery.  I've been dreading this day, I don't want him to go.  But, I know he needs to sooner or later, and now that he is going 4 or 5 hours between feedings at night (and not every 2 hours anymore) the time is right.  And, my dear husband, who wakes at 5:30, out the door by 6 a.m and not home until 6 or later each night, could really use a good solid night sleep.  Sure, he doesn't do the night time feedings, but he hears little Chester and I rustling about.

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Here's the big problem I foresee . . . I nurse Chester before bed, and I put him down while he is still awake, groggy and on the verge of slumber, but still awake.  But, and here's the big "no no" I do and is a habit for him: I give him my left hand to play with while he lulls himself to sleep.  I usually read a book with my right hand, or sometimes just look at him.  I love the feel of his little fingers holding onto mine, or exploring and feeling my hand, it's the sweetest thing and such a special time.  I'm sad because moving him to his crib means I won't have him "holding my hand" as he falls asleep. 

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I have (an infant safe) little bear toy that he really likes and I intend to give him that to hold when he goes to bed.  I know I should give it to him now so he gets used to that and comfortable with that before we move him, and to ease the transition before moving him to the other crib . . . but for the last week I keep saying "just one more night" and give him my hand. 

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My baby is growing up, and this is our first experience at separation, the first of many to come.

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"Life is not lived without knowing separation.

It is one of life's painful sorrows.

There is nothing as heart wrenching

As to know separation will fill our tomorrows."

~ except from the poem Separation by Faye Jones

Time Flies

My little guy is 3 months old already, the time is flying by.  When I was pregnant I loved the baby inside me, and had no idea that once s/he was here, I could fall in love even more.  But everyday, I love him more than the day before, and everyday I think it's impossible to love him anymore, but I do.  I was talking to Husband about my love for our baby, and he said the same things, it is just amazing how our little guy has captured our hearts so completely and given us a whole new reason for life . . . nothing is about us anymore, everything is for him.  Being a parent changes you in such wonderful and strange ways :) And we wouldn't have it any other way, he is our whole life.  Our happy little guy, "I love you Kermie! Now, stop growing, stay my little baby forever!"

Saints

In all honesty, I'm not a big football fan.  But, Husband is, he enjoys watching the games, and since I'm usually hanging out with him majority of the time, I thought it'd be good to pick a team and enjoy the games if possible.  So, early in the season I picked the New Orleans Saints.  Why?  Because I like their colors (I'm just being honest here), and I like the quarterback, he is very into charitable giving.  First surprise . . . I started enjoying watching football games this season.  After asking a gazillion questions, I finally (I think) understand the scoring and rules, etc.  Who knew?!  (I was a cheerleader in high school, but our team rarely won, so I didn't have much understanding of the game, haha).  Second surprise . . . My Team is going to the Super Bowl this year, whoo hoo!  Guess they just needed me to be rooting for 'em :) Go Saints!  And that's how it's done . . .

63

Our power went out last evening at 7 p.m., at first it was kind of fun, using candles and flashlights, then it was time for bed and we still didn't have power so we grabbed multiple blankets and prepared for a chilly night. When Kermie needed a diaper change at midnight we were still without power (fun to change a diaper in semi-darkness) and the house was cold. We were bundled up, Kermie was bundled, had on a beanie, extra blankets on him . . . but that wasn't enough in my mind, I decided to cuddle him on my chest the rest of the night under blankets so I could keep him warm as well. It worked great, except that I didn't sleep much, oh well, anything for my baby. When Husband got up at 5:30 this morning the power was back on, the temp in the house was 63 (which is cold for me, I usually keep the house at 68), he turned the heater on for us and I put Kermie back in his side sleeper crib . . . and he slept until 8 a.m. A new record, it was wonderful.

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I think I'm going to venture out today to Home Goods, treat myself to a little excursion at my favorite store and maybe spend some of my birthday money :)

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Today is my birthday, 35 years old. I feel like I'm 25 :) Tonight we're going to get take out from one of my favorite local restaurants, mmmm, I can already taste the Chicken Parmagiana, the best in the world! The rest of the weekend is going to be pretty mellow, it's been a busy time with family and an unfortunate passing of a beloved uncle last week that we're going to celebrate my birthday in a couple weeks. Everyone needs a rest from travel and time to rejuve and just be at home. I need it too. My perfect weekend is just being home with Husband and our baby, maybe getting out to the book store and a little cafe for lunch, cuddling on the couch and watching a movie or two . . . enjoying the winter weather.

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Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend, see you in a couple days :)

Quiet post for our quiet day . . .

Home Sweet Home

I called my boss this weekend, I just couldn't take it anymore, this waiting to return and wondering if they are going to keep me on (why?) and the anxiety about being away from my son . . . and my boss, who is also my friend, was soooo genuinely thrilled to get the news I am able to be a SAHM. He couldn't be happier for us! And, he wants to make it as easy as possible, least amount of time away from Chester, yay! So, he's most likely going to take the train down on Feb 1, have final paperwork for me to sign and he'll drive back with my company car. (I'm very excited to get rid of the company car, it just sits in the driveway, sort of an eye sore). I'll also be giving back my company blackberry, what a relief to not be on call 24/7 anymore, well, I wasn't during maternity leave but going back to that = yuck.

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Now I get to figure out how to entertain my in-laws for 11 days :)

There's no place like home!

The countdown is on . . . my maternity leave is coming to an end. I was able to take 4 wonderful months off (one month prior to his birth) and have enjoyed every precious minute of being with my son; but, February 1st is my scheduled return to work. Good news though, we have decided that I will be a stay at home mommy! Sure, we want my income, but we have figured out that we don't need my income, such a blessing! And such a blessing to have a wonderful, loving, supportive Husband that wants me to stay at home and raise our son!

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But, here's the hard part that I am struggling with, and it brings me to tears on a nearly daily basis. I do have to return to work and give my notice. So on Monday February 1, I have to leave my baby and go to work . . . I don't want to leave him. I am giving a one week notice and with the nature of my job, it would honestly be quite silly for them to keep me for the week and makes much more sense to just send me home that day (and save them the weeks pay). I am praying that they realize that as well and take my notice with a smile and send me on my way. (There is a lot more about my job and the company I work for that backs why it just makes sense to not keep me, which I'm not going to get into, but bottom line, I'm not being unreasonable here). My boss (a great friend!) is a father with two young children and a baby on the way, and his wife is a stay at home mom, and he has always known my dream of the same, so I wonder if he has any idea that I may not be returning full time. We chatted the other day and he didn't make any mention of it. Anyway . . .

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So, for the week that I am possibly at work, and at least for that first day back, my in-laws are going to be staying with us. Another blessing, they are going to be here to take care of Chester in our home, and get some wonderful bonding time with their grandson; (they live in Seattle and haven't been back since his birth 3 months ago).

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I have started pumping my milk and freezing it so that Chester can have my milk while I am gone. I am so broken-hearted that I won't be nursing him for possibly that week. I'll nurse in the mornings and all night, but the thought of him having the bottle . . . oh I just hope it doesn't ruin all our hard, and wonderful, work getting him to breastfeed.

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I know that I am very lucky to be able to stay home with our baby, but I still can't help but be sad that I'm going to miss a few days with him. We have our daily routine of walking to the grocery store to get the fixings for the nights dinner, he naps, we play, he nurses a lot!, he gets a warm wash cloth rub down every morning which makes him giggle . . . and I know it will be wonderful for his grandparents to have these experiences with him since they live far away and don't get to see him all the time. But I'm selfish, he's my baby and I want to be with him 24/7.

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So, the countdown is on, I return to work but with the ultimately blessing of being a say at home mom; I can't wait until that first week of February is behind me.